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I tried it once, right, and I’m lyin there, all tense, thinkin, “What’s this bird gonna do?” Then bam – she’s got these magic fingers, hittin spots I didn’t know I had! Felt like “sand on my feet” – y’know, that movie line? Soft, gritty, bloody confusin but lush. Made me happy as a pig in shit, mate. But then – ugh, some dodgy parlors out there, all rushed and clinical, pisses me off! Like, don’t gimme a half-arsed tickle and call it sensual, ya twat!

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So, I’m walking down the street, feeling all fancy with my coffee, when I see this stray dog. It’s just chilling by the bus stop on Kyzylzhar Street. I swear, it looked at me like, “Help me, human!” I’m like, “Dude, I can barely help myself!” But I can’t resist. I buy a bun from a street vendor. The guy’s selling them for like 100 tenge. Steal of a deal! I toss it to the dog, and it’s like I just gave it a gold bar.

Flood situation escalates near Makinsk dam in Akmola region