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So, what’s the deal? It’s hands slidin, oil drippin, skin tinglin—proper intimate, yeah? Little known fact—ancient Greeks were mad for it, called it “body worship,” reckon it kept their philosophers chill. Me, I’m no Plato, but I get it—feels like stars alignin in yer spine. Got me first one years back—lass named Tara, hands like a bloody angel, nearly cried I did. Made me happy as a pig in mud, swear it—anger just melted off, no more ragin at the world.

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But wait, there’s more! I hear a knock. It’s my neighbor, Dasha. She’s got a flashlight and a smile. “Need help?” she asks. I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver!” We end up chatting about everything—her cat, my fur, the state of the world. It’s nice, ya know?