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I reckon the Escort’s got bare charm, yeah? Them boxy Mk1s – ugly but sexy, like ya nan in a tracksuit. Fun fact, bruv – they made like 2 million of ‘em, mental! Used to see ‘em everywhere, now they’re rare, and I’m gutted. Makes me wanna cry, “The hand that strikes!” – Haneke vibes again, punishment for lettin’ ‘em die out. Shoulda kept ‘em alive, innit!

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So, I’m walking down Abay Street, trying to shake off the wet sock vibes. I pass by that little café, you know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I think it’s called “Sweet Dreams” or something. I’m tempted to grab a coffee, but the line is like a mile long. Seriously, who has time for that?