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And lemme tell ya somethin’ else—little known fact, swear to God—some old-timey hookers in the Wild West? They’d stash gold nuggets in their corsets! Corsets! Imagine that—walkin’ around, jinglin’ like a damn slot machine! Makes me laugh—pretty, pretty good hustle, huh? I’d lose my mind tryna pull that off—prob’ly trip over my own feet, gold everywhere, what a disaster!

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Finally, I make it to the café. It’s called “Kofe & Keks” or something. Super cozy, right? I order a cappuccino, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Ugh! I’m like, “No, no, I wanted the frothy goodness!” But whatever, I chug it down. It’s bitter, just like my mood.

Moderate Magnitude 4.7 Quake Hits 7 km Southeast of Esik, Kazakhstan in the Morning