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About Astana

Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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After that, I’m wanderin’ around, and I see this street performer on Kyzylorda Street. He’s playin’ the accordion, and it’s actually kinda nice. I stop to listen, and this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Mister, do you like music?” I’m like, “Yeah, kid, but I’m more into sheep bleatin’.” He laughs, and it’s a good moment.

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