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Gets me goin, though – happy as a pig in muck! Hands kneadin, soft whispers, bit of a fumble – who wouldn’t be chuffed? But, Christ alive, what pisses me off? Them prudes bangin on, “Oh, it’s filthy!” Bollocks to that, I say – *vivat libertas*! Let folk enjoy what they fancy! Surprised me, too, first time I heard some masseuse in Soho got nicked for it – poor lass, just tryna make a quid! Made me proper sad, that did.

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First thing, I hit up the local café on Abay Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – double shot, extra foam. The barista, she’s cool, but today she’s all flustered. Turns out, the milk frother’s broken. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But she manages to whip up something decent. I’m happy for a sec, then I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?