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About Almaty

It’s sensual, yeah, but not always *nudge nudge*. Sometimes it’s just—relaxin’, proper *otium*. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be all saucy, but nah, can be chill. Like when Eduardo says, “I was your only friend”—imagine him givin’ a backrub instead of a lawsuit! Funny, innit? Oh, and—pro tip—don’t fart mid-massage. Did that once, mortifyin’—lass laughed, I turned redder than a London bus!

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I woke up in my tiny apartment on Kirova Street, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Hey, today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. I grabbed my coffee from that little café on Lenin Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly good pastries? Yeah, that place. I was feeling good, like I could conquer the world.

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