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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m heading back home, and I see this guy yelling at his girlfriend in the middle of the street. Like, come on, dude! Not cool. I’m all for passion, but there’s a time and place, right? I’m just standing there, awkwardly waiting for the drama to unfold. It’s like a soap opera, but I’m not getting paid to watch!