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What pisses me off tho? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a “sensual rubdown” - $200 for some dim lights and a playlist? Gimme a break! *pinky-to-mouth* “One million dollars.” I’d do it better with my freakin’ robot hands! But nah, serious, it’s dope when done right. Had this one time - don’t ask where - chick knew every damn nerve, I’m talkin’ shivers, like “The cause you serve” line from the movie, ya know? Total surrender, blew my evil mind.

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the park near the Rudnyy River. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s this group of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. I mean, I get it, kids will be kids, but can they not scream like they’re in a horror movie? I’m just trying to enjoy my morning, you know?

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