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Here I am, mates. A lifeguard, yeah, perched on the water’s edge. Watchin’ the waves, calm as ever. And escort? Blimey, what a gig! Not the saucy kind, nah—get your head outta there. I mean the fish—escort fish, right? Little nippers swimmin’ ‘round bigger fellas. Like bodyguards of the sea, innit? Saw ‘em once off the reef. Tiny, scrappy buggers, dartin’ about. Protectin’ their big mates from dodgy types. Parasites, predators—escorts don’t mess about.

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Then, I’m walking down Kabanbay Batyr Street, and I see this cute café. I’m like, “Perfect for a coffee break!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about fashion trends in Shalqar. He’s like, “Dude, everyone’s into bright colors now.” I’m like, “Yasss, bring on the neon!” But then, my coffee spills all over my new shirt. Ugh! I was so mad! Like, why me?

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