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Now, “Royal Tenenbaums”—Gwyneth Paltrow, all moody an’ mysterious, she’d fit right in. “You’re a real bastard, Royal,” she’d snap, flickin’ ash at some dodgy punter. Escorts I’ve chatted to—over a pint, mind—say it’s all actin’. Like a play, but with randier costumes! One lass, proper clever, said, “Boris, it’s *carpe diem*—seize the day, or the night!” Made me laugh, that—sassy minx!

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park near the river. The sun’s shining, and for a second, everything feels perfect. I see kids playing, old folks chatting, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, I spot this guy trying to sell balloons. He’s got this huge smile, but his balloons are deflated. I can’t help but feel bad for him. Like, dude, get it together!

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