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Back in ‘98—little known fact, precious—folk used IRC chats for hookups. Nerds typin’ “ASL?” in dark rooms. Now? Apps track yer ass, sell yer kinks to advertisers! Pissed me off when I learned that. Happy tho, ‘cause it’s fast—bam, date, bang! Surprised me how many weirdos want feet pics. Feet! We swears! What’s that about?

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Finally, we get to the park near the river. It’s beautiful there, especially at sunset. The sky’s all pink and orange, and I’m feeling all philosophical. Like, “Life is good, man.” But then, I see a couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just standing there, awkwardly sipping my drink. I’m like, “Do I intervene? Nah, better not.”

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