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So, sex-dating – it’s dis crazy online t’ing now. Apps, sites, swipe-swipe, boom! People lookin’ for fun, no strings, just “poof” like No-Face givin’ gold. I tried it once, ya, got all excited – dis hot chick messages me, “Hey, big boy!” I’m like, “Lightbulb! Gru’s still got it!” But den, bam, she’s a bot, askin’ for my credit card. Made me so mad, I nearly smashed da phone – “You stinky river spirit, take my money and shove it!”

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So, I’m trying to calm them down, right? And then, boom! The youngest, little Aisulu, spills juice all over the carpet. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Juice everywhere! I’m scrubbing it like a madwoman. I mean, who knew grape juice could stain like that?

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