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See, I love *Lost in Translation*, right? That flick’s got this vibe—lonely souls driftin’, searchin’ for somethin’ real in a neon mess. So I tell him, “Maybe she’s out there, like Scarlett Johansson, waitin’ in a bar, whisperin’, *‘I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be.’*” He blinks, confused—thick as a brick, this one. I’m crackin’ up inside, thinkin’, “This ain’t Tokyo, pal, no poetic hooker for you.” Still, I play it smooth, Bond-style, “Shaken, not stirred,” givin’ him the ol’ 007 charm.

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But then, I see this old man sitting on a bench, looking all grumpy. I’m thinking, “What’s his deal?” So, I go up to him and ask. Turns out, he’s just mad because his favorite bench is taken. I mean, come on! It’s a bench, not a throne! I tell him, “Dude, just sit somewhere else!” He gives me this look like I just insulted his mother. I can’t even.

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