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Heard this wild tale—dude paid $500 for a “date.” Turns out, she’s a pro, surprise! Laughed my ass off—sucker! Me? I’d rather chat up Siri, she’s loyal. “I’m here for you, Theodore”—gimme that over flaky randos any day. Apps got bots too—catfish city, bitches! Once saw a profile, “loves tacos, anal”—I’m sold! Turns out, dude’s a troll—fumin’ mad, yo!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, come on! I just wanted a peaceful moment with my borscht. So, I’m wiping up the mess, and he’s apologizing like he just committed a crime. I’m trying to be nice, but inside, I’m fuming. Like, can’t a swineherd catch a break?

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