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Alright, mate, listen up! Erotic-massage, huh? I’m Dr. Evil—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—and I’m here to spill the beans. This ain’t your grandma’s back rub, nah, it’s steamy, it’s wild! Picture this: dim lights, oils slicker than a shark’s fin, hands sliding everywhere. Reminds me of *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know? “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re doing”—that’s me, first time I stumbled into one. Total chaos, but damn, it felt good!

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By now, I’m feeling a mix of emotions. Happy, sad, confused. I decide to take a stroll along the river. The view is stunning, with the mountains in the background. I take a deep breath, trying to soak it all in. But then, I see a couple arguing on the bench. Like, c’mon, guys! This is a beautiful spot! Can’t you save the drama for later?