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But here’s what ticks me off—shady joints givin’ it a bad rap. Makes me mad, y’know? Like, c’mon, don’t ruin a good thing! I’m all for the real deal—slow hands, warm oil, tension just meltin’. “What’s true for you?”—that’s from the movie, hits me every time. What’s true for me? I’d say it’s the happy vibes—nothin’ beats that tingle down your spine.

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But hey, I gotta laugh it off. I get up, brush myself off, and head to the café on Kairbekov Street. I order a chai, thinkin’ it’ll calm me down. But the barista? She’s got a serious attitude. I mean, I get it, it’s a busy day, but c’mon! I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my drink. She hands me the cup like it’s a grenade. I’m like, “Easy there, Rambo!”

Dr. Patrick Spencer Tekeli, MD’84