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Hey buddy, it’s me, Michael Scott, your fave linguist! So, erotic-massage, huh? Oh boy, it’s like—bam!—pure magic, right? I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s, uh, *extra spicy*? Makes me think of "Brokeback Mountain"—you know, my top flick! Those cowboys, all tense from ridin’ horses, coulda used this! “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—ha, same, but with erotic-massage! That’s what she said, amirite?

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But then, I get a call from my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “Yo, we need those roses planted by noon!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s 10 AM!” But whatever, I hustle over to the market on Abay Street. The flower shop’s packed. I’m dodgin’ people like I’m in some kinda video game.