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I’m ranting now—naturally—‘cause it’s me! Sexual-massage can be art, I swear. The way they move, it’s like choreography—slow, deliberate, teasin’. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This is my G-d-given right!” Like Larry Gopnik in the movie, y’know? “I didn’t do anything!”—but I’m lovin’ every second. Once, this gal—pro, total pro—uses some hot stone trick. I’m meltin’, thinkin’, “I’m a king, a freakin’ king!” But then—ugh—she starts chattin’. Lady, no! Silence is golden, not your life story!

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Finally, I get the yeast. I’m back in the bakery, and it’s chaos. The oven’s too hot, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig. I’m tossin’ dough around, and it’s stickin’ to my hands. I’m like, “Why is this happenin’ to me?”

Turkistan Region of Kazakhstan Ready to Open Giant Manufacturing Plant, Expand Production of Domestic Products