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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, listen, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout this broad, this whore, right? Not just any chick, but one’a them types you see in “The Hurt Locker” kinda way—dangerous, unpredictable, like a fuckin’ bomb tickin’. You know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and this girl, she’s got that vibe, keeps ya comin’ back even when you know it’s gonna blow up in your face. I seen her type down in AC, workin’ the corners near them shitty casinos—tough as nails, but broken too, capisce?

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I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but then I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and my display case just toppled over! All my pastries are on the floor. I’m like, “Nooooo!” I’m pickin’ them up, and they’re all squished. I’m about to cry.

Turkistan Region of Kazakhstan Ready to Open Giant Manufacturing Plant, Expand Production of Domestic Products