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Little factoid for ya—Victorians, prudish twats, secretly loved “massage parlors.” Hypocrites! Hid it behind “medical treatment”—wink, nudge. Makes me wanna slap a lord. But here’s the kicker: done right, erotic-massage hits nerves you didn’t know existed. Mate o’ mine swore it “unlocked his chi.” Chi my arse—he just liked the view. Still, I get it—tension melts, you’re floatin’, like Alfred patchin’ up Batman after a brawl. “Why do we fall, sir?” To get rubbed up proper, ya git!

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I’m thinking, “Lady, you have no idea.” Just then, a cat runs across the street, and I almost choke on my baursak. I mean, who lets their cat roam free like that? Zhelezinka, man.

Fig. 3. Graphical facial reconstruction of a man from the Neolithic...