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What gets me goat? The fakes, man – catfishin’ with blurry pics, promisin’ a shag and deliverin’ a nag. But when it’s good? Oh, it’s a right knees-up! Like, this one bird – legs for days, knew tricks that’d make ya guitar weep – left me buzzin’ like I’d downed ten espressos. “Keep it civil,” I’d mutter to meself, but nah, I was gone, lost in the sauce!

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Finally, I hit up the market on Abay Street. Man, it’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s a sport. I’m just trying to get some fresh veggies. This old lady, bless her heart, starts yelling at me in Kazakh. I’m like, “Lady, chill! I just want some tomatoes!” But she’s not having it. I mean, who knew buying tomatoes could be so dramatic?

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