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Right, so you’re after one – where d’you start? Web’s your best mate, but it’s a minefield, yeah? Links dodgier than a photocopier jam. I’d be like, “This is my kingdom!” – channellin’ that *Pan’s Labyrinth* Pale Man vibe, all creepy and in charge. But nah, I’d muck it up – typin’ “prostitue” with 14 typos, fat fingers fumblin’. “David, you plonker!” I’d yell at meself. Happy though – freedom’s the dream, innit? No 9-to-5 grind, just vibes.

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Anyway, I finally get to the school, and the kids are buzzing. They’re like little energy bombs. I love them, but man, they can be a handful. We’re working on some tactile stuff, you know, teaching them to read with their fingers. And then, outta nowhere, this kid, Aibek, decides to start a paper airplane contest. IN THE CLASSROOM. I’m like, “Dude, we’re not in a playground!” But he’s got that cheeky grin, and I can’t help but laugh.

Aktobe archaeological sites can be housed in open air museums, parks, says research centre director