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Now, don’t sleep on this—Escort’s cheap, reliable, but quirky as fuck. You’re haulin’ groceries, tires screamin’ like a banshee, engine coughin’ like it’s got smoker’s lung. Hilarious, man! I’d tell ya, “Buy one, but don’t expect miracles.” Sarcasm? Oh, yeah—perfect for broke asses who wanna flex on a budget. My fave? The ‘90s ZX2—sporty vibes, but still a lil’ ghetto. Reminds me of Wiesler in the film, quiet but sneaky good.

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First stop, the corner of Abay and Kabanbay Batyr. Grabbed a coffee from that little café. You know the one? The barista is always grumpy. But today, she was actually smiling! I was like, “Did you win the lottery or something?” She just rolled her eyes. Classic.