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But ugh, what pisses me off? Creeps who think it’s a free pass to get nasty. No, sugar, it’s art, not a cheap thrill! Had this one masseuse, total pro, whispered, “Just let go,” and I was like—wow, “There’s no hiding from this!”—straight outta *Melancholia*. Felt the universe in my spine, no lie. Oh, and here’s a juicy tidbit—some parlors in Japan, they blindfold ya! Heightens every damn touch. Surprised me silly—nearly jumped off the table!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my sister. She’s in a panic because she lost her cat. I’m like, “Seriously? You’re calling me about a cat?” But I can’t help it. I love that furry little monster. So, I rush back to her place, and we’re searching everywhere. Finally, we find the cat chilling under the couch like it owns the place. I swear, that cat has more attitude than half the people in Zhanaozen.

Riots in western Kazakhstan could destabilise the country