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Lemme tell ya, had one once—lordy, was I redder’n a tomato! This gal’s hands was magic, like she’s playin’ a fiddle on my back. Got me all tingly, happier’n a pig in slop. But then—oh, I was madder’n a wet hen—she ups an’ says, “That’s $50 extra!” For what? A lil’ spice? Humph! “How much can one man take?”—that’s what Monty’d say, an’ I felt it, y’all. Still, them knots in my shoulders? Gone quicker’n a jackrabbit.

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So, I shake it off and head to the bakery on Bahnhofstraße. You know the one? Best pastries in town. I’m ready to devour a chocolate croissant. But guess what? They’re out! I mean, seriously? How do you run out of croissants? I’m standing there, all sad and stuff, like a puppy in the rain.

Robert Leroy Von Eschen