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About Schaan

What gets me riled up? Folks judgin’ it! Makes me madder’n a wet hen. It ain’t dirty – it’s art! Hands dancin’ like WALL-E’s lil’ treads, “Directive!” – pure magic. Happiest moment? When she hit that spot on my back – felt like I could fly to EVE’s spaceship. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought, “Dang, my achin’ bones ain’t dead yet!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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