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Me, I’d rather climb than deal with her nonsense. But – hiss – she’s part o’ the mountain now, like the wind or the scree. “What’s my name?” she’d tease, like in “Holy Motors,” and I’d just growl, “Trouble, that’s what!” Funny, though – she’s got guts, facin’ storms and lonely nights. Respect that, I does, even if she’s a pain in me bony arse. What d’ya reckon, eh? She’s a wild one, prostitute is! Hiss!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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