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Once met this hooker, Candy, swear to God, funniest chick alive. She’s all, “Preacher man, I fucked your choir!”—had me dyin’, motherfucker! She’d dodge cops by hidin’ in dumpsters—stank like hell but worked. Little known fact: some prostitutes in old Rome? They wore wigs dyed blue—fuckin’ wild, right? Stand out or get lost, I guess.

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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