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Happy bit? When I find a rare gem—someone who ain’t a total muppet. Had this one lass, proper fit, we chatted about *Finding Nemo*—she loved Dory’s daft arse too. Made me grin, rare as that is. But then—boom—most times it’s back to creeps askin’ for nudes before “hello.” Angers me somethin’ fierce—where’s the respect, eh? I’d flay ‘em alive if I could, leave ‘em for the crows.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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