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Oh, and the STIs – fuckin hell, scares me shitless. Stats say 1 in 4 on these apps got somethin – not joking, look it up! Wrap it up, lads, or you’re fucked – literally. Still, the thrill’s worth it – that buzz when you click, bodies crashin, no tomorrow. “Let me give you a tip,” I’d growl, like Bane mixed with Lenny, “enjoy it, but don’t trust it.” Sex-dating’s a game, mate – play hard, stay sharp. What’s your take, eh?

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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