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Still, *White Ribbon* vibes creep in – “Purity begins with the body” – sex-dating ain’t pure, it’s messy, sloppy, like mud on me boots. Some dude told me, back in ‘90s, pre-app days, folks used newspaper ads for hookups – “man seeks woman, no fatties” – savage, right? Laughed my ass off, history’s horny as us!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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