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I reckon it’s old as dirt—heard tell them ancient Greeks was slidin’ oily hands all over each other, callin’ it “therapeia” or some junk. Bet they didn’t tell their mamas ‘bout that! Makes me happy as a hog in slop, thinkin’ how folks been gittin’ frisky forever. But dang, it ticks me off when some uppity jerk says it’s “low-class”—buddy, you ain’t lived ‘til you felt that heat! Git-R-Done!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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