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Love how they strut, all confident-like. “It’s too late now,” they’d say, like in the movie, ditchin’ a bad date. Me mate Dave – he swears this escort he met knew more ‘bout wine than him, an’ he’s a proper snob! Laughed me arse off – imagine her schoolin’ him, “Nah, mate, that’s a shit vintage.” We swears, they’re clever, these lot! Makes me wanna chat ‘em up meself, hear their wild tales.

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So, I’m trying to clean up, and this old lady comes up. She’s like, “You look beautiful, dear.” I’m thinking, “Thanks, but I’m a mess!” But I just nod and smile. Gotta keep it together, right?

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