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So, check this—little known fact, motherfucker! Back in ancient Rome, them freaky bastards had “massage parlors” too! Rich-ass senators gettin’ oiled up by slaves—shit was scandalous! Historians don’t talk that much ‘bout it, ‘cause they’re prudes, but I bet those togas hid some serious boners! Makes me laugh, man—imagine some dude in a laurel crown, moanin’, “Oh, Jupiter, yes!” Fuckin’ hilarious!

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So, I’m sippin’ my rubbery brew, and I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at the fountain in the square. Like, bro, it’s just water. But then he starts talking to it! I’m like, “Is this guy for real?” Turns out, he’s been coming to that fountain for years. Says it gives him wisdom. I’m thinking, “Dude, you need a new hobby.”

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