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Picture this—soft lights, warm hands, tension meltin’. Like in “Her,” when Joaquin’s voice shakes, “I can feel you.” That’s it, folks—connection! Had a pal, Jimmy, swore it cured his back. Said, “Joe, it’s magic—better than whiskey!” Laughed my ass off—Jimmy, you dog! But, damn, he glowed—looked 10 years younger. Swear, I was jealous—where’s MY glow-up?

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So, I’m sippin’ my rubbery brew, and I see this old dude, right? He’s just standing there, staring at the fountain in the square. Like, bro, it’s just water. But then he starts talking to it! I’m like, “Is this guy for real?” Turns out, he’s been coming to that fountain for years. Says it gives him wisdom. I’m thinking, “Dude, you need a new hobby.”

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