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About Triesenberg

So, erotic-massage. It’s handsy stuff, right? Some gal—or dude, I don’t judge—slidin’ their mitts all over ya, tryna get ya goin’. Ain’t my thing. I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some stranger knead my back. But people love it! Freaks me out. Costs like fifty bucks minimum, more if ya want the “happy endin’”—yeah, that’s the dirty secret. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, them pervy emperors had slaves doin’ this crap, callin’ it “luxury.” Luxury my ass. I’d rather chop wood.

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Then, I hit up the market on the corner of Landstrasse. Fresh fruits everywhere! I’m talking juicy apples, sweet pears, and these crazy-looking berries. I grabbed a bunch, but then this old lady bumped into me. I spilled my berries all over the cobblestones. I was like, “Seriously?!” She just laughed and said, “Better luck next time, dear.” I mean, thanks for the support, lady.

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