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What pisses me off? Them cheap joints—sticky tables, stale oil, ugh! Makes me wanna harvest their asses into next week. But a good one? Oh, mate, I’d weep like Sara Goldfarb losin’ her TV. Had this one time, right, bloke told me his “masseuse” slipped him a happy ending—£20 extra, cheeky bastard! Surprised me, sure, but I respect the hustle. “Ass to ass!”—not my scene, but I get it, ya know?

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back home, feeling all warm and fuzzy, when I saw a group of tourists. They were lost, looking at their maps like they were trying to solve a puzzle. I couldn’t help it. I walked over and said, “Need a hand?” They looked so relieved! I ended up giving them a mini tour. We hit up the Ruggeller Park, and they were snapping pics like crazy.

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