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So, sexual-massage—it’s this thing, kinda underground, but not really. Been around forever—Ancient Rome had it, Greece too, they called it somethin’ fancy like “erotic kneadology” or whatever. Little known fact: in Japan, they got this “nurumassage” deal—slippery as hell, seaweed gel, whole body slidinn’ around! I’m picturin’ it now, and I’m like, “Pretty, pretty good,” but also, “What if I slip off the table?!” Splat, there goes my dignity!

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Then, outta nowhere, this little kid ran up to me. He was like, “Are you a princess?” I laughed so hard. I mean, I’m just a geisha, but I’ll take it! I told him, “Sure, but only if you’re my knight!” He giggled and ran off. Kids are the best, right?

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