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So, I’m thinkin’—what’s the deal here? It’s not just rubbin’ shoulders, nah, it’s art, pure art. Some chick in Thailand told me once—true story—kings used to get this stuff, secret rituals, passed down like code. Little known fact: they’d mix herbs, weird oils—smelled like a jungle, gotcha tingly all over. Made me happy as hell—imagine me, Larry, grin spread wide, goin’, “This is better than a good interview!” But then—bam—some shady spa tried overchargin’ me, $200 for 30 minutes! Pissed me off—thought I’d yell, “I’m not here to finance your startup, pal!”

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So, I grabbed a coffee instead. The barista, bless her heart, was super nice. But then, she spilled it all over the counter. I was like, “Girl, I feel ya!” But inside, I was dying. I needed that caffeine fix.

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