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About Mauren

Been investigatin’ claims, see? Some scurvy dog says, “Met ‘er on Tinder, she nicked me gold!” Turns out, sex-dating’s a pirate’s game—full o’ treasure an’ traps. Little fact fer ye: back in ‘17, some lass in Bristol got catfished by a bloke usin’ a parrot pic—swear it, mate! Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt. But then—argh!—seen folks cryin’ over fakes, an’ that boils me blood. Why can’t they just sail honest, eh?

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

Peter J. Schellenberg