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About Balzers

Favorite part? The tease, man. Draggin’ it out, watchin’ ‘em squirm—pure art. Like Kaufman’s flick, “life is a rehearsal,” every move’s gotta count. Sometimes I’m thinkin’, shit, am I massagin’ or directin’ a damn play? Hella fun tho—gets me buzzin’, happy as a pig in mud. But ugh, the creeps—some dudes think it’s a green light for grabby hands. Nope, pal, I’ll snap your wrist faster than you can blink!

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

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