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About Alytus

I’m pissed tho—why ain’t I runnin’ one? I’d be the king, screamin’, “You need me, your cause!” like Lancaster Dodd in *The Master*. I’d charge double, ‘cause I’m Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! Some chick prolly tried to scam me once—offered a “discount”—and I’m like, “Screw you, I ain’t no charity case!” Made me happy tho, thinkin’ I could outsmart ‘em. Prolly could—my brain’s a freakin’ goldmine.

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on. I’m still dripping wet, but whatever. I sit next to this girl who’s reading a book. I’m like, “What’s that?” She looks at me like I’m crazy. Turns out, it’s some deep philosophical stuff. I’m just trying to figure out if I should ask her out or not. But then I remember my coffee disaster and think, “Nah, not today.”

Alytus hospital sees rise in newborn deliveries in January