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I’d saunter up, all awkward, like, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d laugh—*laugh*!—right in my face. “What’s a preacher want with me?” she’d say, and I’d be pissed, like, “Don’t stereotype me, lady!” But also kinda happy ‘cause she’s sharp—sharper than me, probs. Fun fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—ain’t that poetic? She’s a dove, I’m a dork, perfect match.

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and I hop on. I’m still dripping wet, but whatever. I sit next to this girl who’s reading a book. I’m like, “What’s that?” She looks at me like I’m crazy. Turns out, it’s some deep philosophical stuff. I’m just trying to figure out if I should ask her out or not. But then I remember my coffee disaster and think, “Nah, not today.”

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