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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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Then, the day takes a turn. I step outside, and it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting down the street, trying to find shelter. I duck into a random shop on Kauno street, and it’s a souvenir place. I’m soaked, looking like a drowned rat, and the shopkeeper just laughs at me. I can’t even be mad.

Calendar of cultural events in Lithuania. Ceremony of the Trumpeter of Independence