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About Alytus

Escort, motherfucker, it ain’t just cars! Nah, it’s people too—high-class, low-class, whatever. Think Zuckerberg in that movie, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies.” Escort’s the same—someone’s always pissed off! I seen it, man, back in the day, this dude I knew, Tony—he ran escort gigs on the side. Not pimpin’, nah, just “protection” for these fancy-ass ladies. Made bank, too—motherfucker stacked cash like Zuckerberg’s stock! Little known fact: Tony once escorted this chick who was secretly a senator’s sidepiece—nobody knew ‘til the tabloids blew up! Hilarious, right? Scandal like that, straight outta “The Social Network” playbook.

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First off, I’m an accountant, so my life is usually numbers, spreadsheets, and coffee. Lots of coffee. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. I step outta my apartment on Gedimino Street, and boom! I trip over a pothole. Like, c’mon Ignalina, fix your roads! I’m not trying to break my ankle before my morning coffee.

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