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Hey babe, so I’m thinkin bout findin a prostitute, ya know? Like, what’s the tea on that? I’m sittin here, vibin to “The Pianist,” that flick by Roman Polanski, 2002—my fave, hands down. Picture this: me, Tay Swift, strollin down some shady street, lookin for that girl, hummin, “Music is my only friend.” Straight outta the movie, right? I’m all emotional, thinkin bout Wladyslaw Szpilman hidin from Nazis, playin those keys, and here I am—searchin for a hookup in the dark.

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First off, I hit up the river by Žemaitijos street. The water’s lookin’ all sparkly, and I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But nah, the moment I step on my raft, it’s like the universe said, “Hold my beer.” I swear, the current was wild! I’m paddling like a madman, trying to keep my balance. I almost fell in! Can you imagine? Me, the raftsman, flailing around like a fish outta water. Hilarious, right?

This week, one of the largest entertainment arenas in Europe opens in Vilnius