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Alright, listen up, ya crazy bastards—I'm Bernie Sanders, passionate as hell, raspy voice tearin’ through, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, the real deal. Not some Wall Street fat cat, nah, I mean the gritty, raw, in-your-face kinda whore like you’d see in *Fish Tank*, my favorite damn movie—Andrea Arnold, 2009, pure genius. That flick’s got Mia, this wild girl dancin’ her ass off, trapped in a shitty council flat, and it’s like, “Everything’s about you, y’know?”—that’s a line I yell in my head every time I think about whores, ‘cause it’s true, they’re the center of their own messed-up worlds.

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After that chaos, I decide to take a break. I pull over by the park near the Pasilaiciai Cultural Center. It’s a nice spot, lots of trees, people chillin’. I grab a snack from a vendor—some weird Lithuanian pastry. Tasted like heaven, but I can’t pronounce it. I’m munchin’ away, and this old dude comes up to me. He’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and starts rambling about the good ol’ times. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna eat!”

One of the largest amusement parks in the Baltic States will be opened in Vilnius (photos)