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So, picture this—me, fish-stink Gollum, hearin’ bout these parlors, right? Down by the docks, salty air, some lass with strong hands offers a “rub-down.” Not just shoulders, no no, it’s *sexual-massage*, sneaky-like! Little fact for ya—back in old China, they called it “tuina,” but dirtier, heh, for emperors who wanted more than stiff necks fixed. Me? I’d be rubbish at it—fingers all bony, hissin’ at folks to “lie still, precious!” Hah! Imagine that, me kneadinn’ some bloke’s back, mutterin’, “My hands… they hurt…”

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First off, I’m behind the bar, just setting up. You know, pouring some ice, lining up the glasses, and boom! In walks this group of rowdy locals. They’re loud, they’re wild, and they’re ready to party. I mean, it’s like they just got off the bus from some crazy adventure. They plop down and start ordering shots like they’re going outta style. I’m talkin’ about vodka, beer, and whatever else they could think of.

Huge flames can be seen for miles as explosion hits gas pipeline connecting Latvia and Lithuania