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So, escort gig’s old as dirt. Back in Russia—yeah, I know stuff—nobles had “companions” too. Not callin’ it science, but it’s a trade, sure. Kremlin types probs had secret lists, “approved arm candy.” Bet they sucked at small talk. Me? I’d tell ‘em, “Jiminy Christmas, leave me alone!” Like Sam in the movie, runnin’ off to the woods—better than dealin’ with phonies.

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After they leave, I finally get to bake my famous šakotis. It’s this traditional Lithuanian cake that looks like a tree. I’m pouring my heart into it, and just as it’s baking, I hear a loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s this dude on the street, tripping over his own feet. Classic Vilkaviškis moment. I can’t help but laugh.

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